PORTFOLIO DERMATOLOGY

RELIEF AFTER
EVERY RUG.

Advanced skincare for rug burns, weak hands, chronic FUD and dangerously dry liquidity.

SHOP WITH $LOTIONWATCH TREATMENT →
CLINICALLY UNPROVEN · EMOTIONALLY NECESSARY · 0% FINANCIAL RECOVERY
Cartoon DexLotion pump bottle99%DOWN
THE FULL PROTOCOL

Your portfolio is damaged.
Your skin doesn’t have to be.

The complete DexLotion product recovery routine
THE $LOTION SHOP

Pay in cope.
Priced in $LOTION.

Add your treatments, calculate the required $LOTION, then head to Pump.fun to acquire the token.

Rug Rash Ointment parody product
MAXIMUM STRENGTH

Rug Rash Ointment

69,000$LOTION
Diamond Hand Cream parody product
EXTRA HOLD

Diamond Hand Cream

100,000$LOTION
Anti-FUD Serum parody product
TIMELINE RELIEF

Anti-FUD Serum

42,000$LOTION
Dev Vanishing Cream parody product
FAST-ACTING

Dev Vanishing Cream

88,000$LOTION
Overnight Bag Repair parody product
8-HOUR COPIUM

Overnight Bag Repair

77,000$LOTION
Jeet Repellent parody product
PANIC-SELL DEFENSE

Jeet Repellent

55,000$LOTION

Concept products for the DexLotion universe. Token prices are denominated only in $LOTION and are not USD values.

PRESCRIPTION: COPE

Choose your treatment.

Six advanced formulas. No actual recovery. Pick the symptom currently destroying your timeline.

01
Rug Rash Ointment parody product advertisement
MAXIMUM STRENGTH

Rug Rash Ointment

Maximum-strength relief after getting fucked by another memecoin.

02
Diamond Hand Cream parody product advertisement
EXTRA HOLD

Diamond Hand Cream

Strengthens weak hands. Side effects may include holding to zero.

03
Anti-FUD Serum parody product advertisement
TIMELINE RELIEF

Anti-FUD Serum

Reduces timeline-induced redness. Does not improve fundamentals.

04
Dev Vanishing Cream parody product advertisement
FAST-ACTING

Dev Vanishing Cream

The cream works perfectly. Unfortunately, the dev still disappears.

05
Overnight Bag Repair parody product advertisement
8-HOUR COPIUM

Overnight Bag Repair

For positions you’re suddenly ‘holding long term.’ Results may take forever.

06
Jeet Repellent parody product advertisement
PANIC-SELL DEFENSE

Jeet Repellent

Helps keep panic sellers away. Reapply after every red candle.

10-SECOND ROUTINE

Charts down.
Skin up.

  1. 01
    Accept the rug.From other coins. DexLotion is built for the long run.
  2. 02
    Apply generously.Face, hands and affected bags.
  3. 03
    Open DexScreener again.Repeat treatment immediately.
THE RUG IS THE JOKE. THE PROJECT IS REAL.
99.9%OF PORTFOLIOS
STILL REKT
0%FINANCIAL
RECOVERY
100%MORE
MOISTURIZED
24/7RUG-PULL
PROTECTION*
DexLotion bottle
THE TREATMENT IS COMING

Stay moisturized.
Stay irrational.

Join the waiting room for launch updates, fresh prescriptions and emergency rug-burn support.

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